The answer may be more simple than you wish to admit.
You sound like you have had your heart broken and probably more than once. Perhaps life is not what you expect it should be. Life is not what too many individuals think it should be.
I fought these feelings that you are feeling for most of my life. I blamed them on situations, family, and my diseases. It is harder to admit that you have a chemical imbalance, than to live your life being miserable and heartbroken.
Depression is something that most will not accept until there is not rock at the bottom. Even when we hit “rock bottom” we will not admit our problem. That “rock” gets worn to a piece of sand, then we admit depression.
It may take thirty different mental health workers, but if you keep searching, you will find the right one to get you on the meds that you need.
There are depression support groups. Support groups do not need to be pitty parties, again, you may have to search but you will find the right support group.
In the mean time, do daily devotions, pray, and have faith. The words that kept me alive through my depression was “thou shall not kill.” When I was at sand bottom, and had the pills to committ suicide, God gave me this message. Boy, was I hurt, but those words kept me alive and through my depression.
GOD BLESS YOU
grannywinkie