hilarious , ultra-low budget comedy from film school dropout kevin smith chronicles a day in the life of two convenience store slackers ( brian o’halloran and jeff anderson ) .
they spend most of their day ignoring customers while discussing everything from fellatio to self-fulfillment .
the premise is strictly sitcom and the photography is grainy as all get-out , but you could spend ten times the film’s budget ( a reported $27 , 000 ) and still not get dialogue half as good as this .
originally rated nc-17 for language .
not recommended for viewers with sensitive ears .
killing zoe ===========
remake reservoir dogs as a french art film and you’re halfway to killing zoe , writer/director roger avary’s slow-moving story of a failed bastille day bank robbery .
eric stoltz stars as an american in paris who gets in * way * over his head when hooks up with a band of nihilistic bank robbers .
he’s the safecracker who’s blissful unaware that the bank job is a botch job from the word go .
though intriguing on all fronts , the film is paced at half the speed of pulp fiction , which avary co-wrote with quentin tarantino .
in english and french .
the road to wellville =====================
based on the novel by t . coraghessan boyle , the road to wellville doesn’t go very far .
bowels , bowels , and more bowels are explored by dr . john harvey kellogg ( a buck-toothed and bespectacled anthony hopkins ) , who , in the early 1900’s , advocated abstinence , vegetarianism , and frequent defecation .
he also invented the cornflake .
really .
checking-in to kellogg’s battle creek sanitarium are matthew broderick and bridget fonda , just two of the many well-known faces in this failed comedy .
leave your laughter at the door and you can marvel at the unfunny antics of john cusack , michael lerner , lara flynn boyle , john neville , and dana carvey .
the art direction is impeccable and some of the early sequences are amusing , but the novelty quickly wears off as writer/director alan parkers tries his darnedness to turn doo-doo into drama .
what he ends up with is something that i can’t print here .
phew !
stargate ========
lawrence of arabia meets star wars .
this epic sci-fi film is more sheer spectacle than anything else .
director roland emmerich ( universal solider ) shamelessly rips off lucas and spielberg and just about any other cosmic cliche that he can lay his hands on .
the film is overlong , the characters are cardboard , and the script is filled with some of the most laughable details in modern sci-fi history .
that said , there’s still plenty to watch here .
sci-fi fans should enjoy the sculpted sands , the morphing headdresses , and a surprisingly spunky james spader .
he plays the egyptologist who gets to prove his theory that that ” somebody else ” built the pyramids .
less interesting are co-stars kurt russell and jaye davidson of crying game fame .
star trek generations =====================
trek fans may be more forgiving , but , for the rest of us , the sluggish star trek generations is a mixed bag at best .
the story is interesting , but each scene goes too long .
the cast is earnest , but the direction lacks punch .
and so on .
( the best example of the latter is a klingon comeuppance that delivers none of the impact of a similar scene in star trek ii . )
original enterprise captain james t . kirk appears on both ends of the story , though they cut the scene where shatner turns to the screen to plead ” get a life . ”
remarkably unremarkable .
miracle on 34th street ======================
in a season of the specialist and pulp fiction et al , maybe a remake of miracle on 34th street * is * necessary .
john hughes certainly believes in santa claus and his les mayfield-directed production does nothing to tarnish the memory of the 1947 original .
the romance between costars dylan mcdermott and elizabeth perkins doesn’t work too well , but the film makes a strong case that richard attenborough is the definitive kriss kringle .
his chemistry with children can moisten any eye .
no claus for alarm .
junior ======
arnold schwarzenegger pregnant ?
sure , billy crystal did it before in rabbit test , but the sight of schwarz with a bulging belly is a casting coup comparable to dustin hoffman in tootsie .
what should be nothing more than a one-joke premise actually gets better as it goes along .
director ivan reitman ( dave , twins ) wisely keeps the farce to a minimum , so the first hour moves slower than you might expect .
don’t expect too many yuks from danny devito , but you can’t beat those early romantic scenes between emma and arnie .
how’s * that * for a collision of acting styles ?